The last latch.

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So we are weaning. My heart was not ready for this, ready for a little girl who is ready to be a little warrior. At 16 months our “Little’s” personality is bigger than what we could have ever imagined. She is independent and tries to keep up with her brothers even though she is years younger... she smiles non stop and has a permanent mischievous twinkle in her eye... but in my eyes she is still my baby girl, she is my “little” and she is my last. 

Tonight I tucked her into bed, our bed (yes we are co-sleeping but that is a blog all on its own) We lay there with her monkeying around and I realized, she will always be my little girl and we have so so many adventures lying ahead. Social media is FILLED with breastfeeding support groups encouraging breastfeeding for as long as possible  (which I have completely appreciated) BUT she is ready. She is busy and happy and completely ready to wean. 

I have come to the conclusion that weaning cannot be about me or what the groups tell you you should do, or the advice that friends give (some that is, some are horrified that we are still feeding) My “little” loves food, she loves sitting with us at the table, making us all laugh. She smiles when she gets a reaction and throws food on the floor when she thinks it tastes bad. She cuddles up to me in bed and snuggles up to her dad at 4am. She is growing and there is nothing that I can do to stop it, she loves us though and that will never change. She is our “little” and no matter whether we wean tonight or in 4 months from now, she will always be our “little”

I asked myself tonight as she flipped over and stuck her dummy in her mouth, is it me or is it her... my heart hanging almost like in the middle of a breakup. Deep in my heart I know the answer. I know that I am clinging onto the last little chapter, we have outgrown the baby grows and she no longer lies on my chest. Her head is filled with fun and games , trying to climb up absolutely EVERYTHING and anything. I avoid Facebook and blogs with photos of moms with newborns because I miss that. Yes you read right, I miss those first few months. I miss waking up at night for the feeds and falling asleep with her at my breast. The nights felt so long but looking back now it just seems like such a short chapter. But she is happy. She is healthy and wild, she is busy all the time and lights up our home.

Tonight I decided to stop over analyzing, to stop referring to articles and advice, or at least to try. It is so easy to get caught up in what we think we should be doing or what is expected of us as moms. To cling onto what feels safe, and to what we want to last forever. Sometimes I think I forget to just go with the flow and enjoy the little things. To not focus on the when’s and how’s, but rather on the kisses goodnight and the smiles that we get at 5:45am. I will try not obsess over when the last latch will be. Because yes she is our “little” and our last but she is also a whole heap of sunshine and there are a million other little things about her that I have to enjoy and look forward to. 

xxx

Tamarin